| I know...
05/30/09 @12:51pm
I haven't been keeping up my website. It's not like I'm
dead, or anything. If you're really that interested,
you can always check my MySpace
or Facebook
pages. Not that they're any less lame than this site.
horseradish hell
05/04/09 @3:41pm
My best friend (Spiny) sent me this e-mail last night,
and I just had to share it with you.
Dude. If you really like the screaming red-hot
pepper sauce from hell you got to try this.
I made some horseradish from plants I had in the garden.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. It gave me an
excuse to get the old blender down from the "way
up too high to reach"shelf & fire it up. Now,
if you've never made horseradish you can't begin to understand
the 7th level of HELL that I am about to describe. Please
bear in mind that I followed instructions given to me
by my boss,a well renowned maker of many hot substances
made for human consumption....IF you don't mind the very
real possibility of massive internal hemorrhaging due
to the violently fiery level of "naturally occurring"
caustic chemicals. (The guy puts pure capsasin extract
on his corn flakes, okay?) So I follow his instructions,covering
everything with crushed ice & cold water and keeping
the ground root submerged while spinning merrily away
in the confines of the blender until torn into pieces
just right for humans. What I didn't understand about
horseradish is that the hotter you want to be the longer
you should wait to add vinegar,which stabilizes &
neutralizes the caustic chemical that makes it so frigging
hot....more or less. So I drain the watery goop into a
colander and started squeezing out the excess liquid with
my left hand. When the water was drained it wasn't too
bad. At first. Then nature reared it's ugly head and the
reality that is freshly ground horseradish became permanently
ingrained upon my brain. The skin on my left hand started
to tingle,then it felt kinda warm,so I took it out and
rinsed it in water. Guess what?....water makes the chemical
reaction worse! Yeah, ME!!!!! Beads of sweat broke out
on my forehead,the fumes flowed upward out of the sink
and hit me like somebody smacked me between the shoulder
blades with a louisville slugger. Eyes watering,nose running,felt
like my throat was swelling shut......then I made a big
mistake. I wiped my right hand (which was not in the goop)
across my face & eyes. Ground razorblades would have
felt better. Kinda like a sandblaster directly to the
olde' eyeballs. Remember the old Ben Gay in the jock strap
trick in high school? Not even close.......okay? Some
rudimentary chemistry lesson from the nether regions of
my mind along with the self preservation instinct must
have kicked in and I doused the noxious concoction and
my hand with vinegar. That helped. a little. I didn't
splash any in the eyes because that just seemed wrong,but
I did leave the room and went outside to reconsider the
need for real,fresh,natural,wholesome horseradish. I ended
up with 4 cups of the stuff. I managed to get it stuffed
into 3 pint jars without having the skin on my face slough
off. My left hand looks & feels like I had a chemical
peel.( Michael Jackson is more of a man than we ever thought.)
My sinuses have'nt been this clear in years. Now if I
can just remember all the people who "made THE LIST"..........you
know what list.
outta the house...
04/17/09 @8:38pm
... and on the gas. Instead of doing something constructive,
I rode my bike today. All day. I even changed the oil
and installed a new battery. Holy crap, has the price
of Lead ever gone up... a hundred friggin' dollars for
a motorcycle battery! Sometimes, I like to ride up to
a little town called Titusville, gas up, buy some kinda
energy drink and a little pizza... and then just sit in
the corner booth behind the Lottery machine watching the
traffic go by. There ain't a whole lot of anything goin'
on there, but I did run into a guy that I used to work
with today (Yo Kenny!). It's funny. He got fired, got
a job driving truck, bought a $42,000 pickup truck and
paid it off in 6 months, and is as happy as a clam.
METAL!!!
04/05/09 @1:57pm
My friend Brian and I went to the South Side of Pittsburgh
and caught the EXODUS show at the Rex theater last night.
Good clean violent fun!
spring has sprung
03/20/09 @6:20pm
That's what the old man would've said. I've already had
the bike out four times so far... pretty good for March.
You watch, it'll snow tonight.
water. it's not for sissies
03/10/09 @2:02pm
Came home yesterday to the sounds of a babbling brook,
from inside the house. Long story short, a sewer line
blockage directed all the rainwater, melting snow water,
and the I-don't-wanna-know-what-kind-of-water into my
basement. So, I call every plumber in the book and a few
who aren't. Didja ever wonder if there's a mathematical
formula to compute the odds of a plumber being unavailable
when you've got 3" of water in your cellar, as opposed
to when you just call to chit chat? I called the Boro
Boys to turn off the water line into the house, but that
doesn't solve anything. Then I call Roto-Rooter people.
Wouldn't ya know, his truck breaks down enroute, so he's
gonna be an extra few hours (as the water continues to
pour into my basement)... Finally, the guys from the Borough
Maintenance Dept. and the Roto-Rooter dude all converge,
and proceed to point out that it's the others' responsibility.
In the end, (after the Boro head maintenance dude relates
a funny but probably untrue story of how he once found
a blockage caused by a "Big black dildo about this
big around") the Boro guys called the City guys,
who showed up with their "Jet Truck" (Beware
The Big Black Hose...) and blasted loose the (apparently
non-dildo related) blockage. The Final Score for those
of you keeping track at home... Two trips for the locals,
including shutting off the water and opening the manhole?
$0. Two City employees and an expensive looking water
blasting truck? $0. The Roto-Rooter Man driving to my
house and looking around? $89.90. There's money in shit,
folks.
it's not my birthday...
03/07/09 @2:41pm
But I did manage to put 7.3 whole miles on the scooter
yesterday, which is pretty cool for the first week of
March here in Pennsylvania. I also signed up for a "Twitter"
account, which, for the first time since I've been online,
(and that's been quite a while, kids) I got this feeling
of "What the hell is this supposed to do?".
Maybe if I still had a cell phone it would be more fun,
but for now I guess I gotta be old-fashioned and enter
my Tweets from a Computer for crying out loud.
it's my birthday...
03/06/09 @4:28am
I'm 50. Yay me.
well...
02/27/09 @3:29am
I was wanting to tell you, dear reader, how I took a guy
to court because he butchered my Pine tree out back...
but I lost the case (and lost my faith in the Judicial
system), so I don't really feel like taking about it.
And then I wanted to tell you that February 25th was the
30th anniversary of the day that Craig Snyder and I drove
to Youngstown, Ohio and bought a brand new 1979 Les Paul
Custom guitar, and that I still have that very guitar,
and that I've RAWKED all over the World with that very
guitar, but I had to go to work and didn't have time.
And I also got a 4-disc DVD compiliation in the mail yesterday
from the guy who was the soundman in my
old band, and how we've nearly located all of the
guys via Facebook...
but of course I was too busy. I swear, I need a Mental
Health day before I turn 50... which is next week :-)
$787 billion. 1,071 pages, 8-inchs-thick...
02/13/09 @3:27pm
And yet, I don't *feel* stimulated.
quote of the day
02/09/09 @12:28am
"I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too...
games you can't win because you'll play against you."
-Dr. Seuss.
still here
02/07/09 @5:37am
Man, I hate February. Seems like the holidays were over
ages ago, and it's still a long ways till I can roll the
bikes out. Went out to shoot my pistols, and damn near
froze my hand off.
just when you thought you'd seen it all...
01/15/09 @12:48pm
Along comes Cats
That Look Like Hitler.
full moon, baby
01/08/09 @2:02pm
This month's full moon is known as the Wolf Moon from
Native American folklore. Tonights' Moon will be the fullest,
and closest to Earth of the year. Yee Ha!.
secret coded message for my friends
01/08/09 @2:23am
I no longer have a cell phone. The Red Herring flies at
Midnight. I no longer have a cell phone. Canoes have no
shoes. I no longer have a cell phone. Ten Niner Oscar
Velcro. Over.
the perfect gift
12/29/08 @2:09pm
Everyone you know needs one of these.
Seriously.
say something
12/27/08 @5:35pm
I know you're reading this, so let me know what you think.
Time for a change? Have I been slacking? The ol' website
getting a little lame? Lemme know.
todays inspirational NiN lyrics:
12/09/08 @8:53pm
"I believe I can see the future.
Cause I repeat the same routine.
I think I used to have a purpose.
But then again...
That might have been a dream."
Lyrics © NiN. Please don't
sue me.
I love Pennsylvania
12/04/08 @7:55am
I went down so hard on the ice the other day that I didn't
even have time to realize what was happening to me. My
cell phone flew into three pieces and was buried in the
snow... everything I was carrying went flying, and all
I knew was that my ankle was twisted in a way that it
wasn't supposed to be. They say most accidents happen
at home? This was ONE step off my front porch.
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